Before we ask the question 'What is Truth?' which Pontius Pilate asked Jesus before He was crucified, we need to ask the question 'What is Love?' We all want it - our whole being needs it. Where do we get it? First we have to separate the many loves which in our language all have the same word. There are so many ‘loves’: Eros (sexual love), filios (brotherly or friendship love), love between parents and children, 'love' for things (I love my car!) and agape (or divine, unconditional love). The deepest form of love is agape love. We all want to experience the deepest love possible - where there is deep love, there is joy, peace, and fulfillment. Who doesn't want fulfillment in their life? Sure, there is a certain fulfillment (happiness) in eating when we are hungry, or sleeping when we are tired. There is happiness in getting a promotion, or buying something we always wanted. There is also happiness in sexual pleasure – this can be very deep when it is between husband and wife and when they are completely giving themselves. However, the deepest fulfillment is not in any of these things - not even in doing charitable works can we find the deepest fulfillment (that is getting close, though!).
Where do we find the agape love that will give us total fulfillment? If you look at the lives of the saints, you will find that they were or are the happiest people on earth. They found the deepest possible love through union with God and through giving themselves completely to God and to other people. They receive agape love from God and give it to those around them. It is only in giving will you receive.
How do we find this union with God that the saints so desired and found? St. John the Evangelist says that “God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God and God abides in him” (1 Jn. 4:16). We must abide in God and He, His love, will abide in us. Many people imagine God as sitting around by Himself all day unconnected to us and the world, just patting Himself on the back for what a great guy He is. God never sits back doing nothing or thinking about Himself….what does God do all day? He loves. He is not alone in His Love because that would not be complete love. The only way it can be real love is if it gives of itself AND receives. God is a community of love. The Father from all eternity loves the Son and the Son from all eternity loves the Father and the Holy Spirit IS the love between the Father and the Son. Okay, deep breath! That is a lot to think about...
This is called circumincession (no, not circumcision!)—a spiraling of love between the Father and Son and back again. Anyway, I am getting too deep. So, to really understand what love is, we have to look at God....and where do we see the greatest expression of love that God has shown us?...In the cross. Jesus died in a most painful, brutal death called His Passion - it was in utter love of us that He died! He took our sins (yes, ALL of our sins) upon Himself and was nailed to a cross. God (Jesus) dying for us was only way to forgive our sins because sin is an eternal offense against God and only God could make reparation for an offense against Himself.
In this act of love on the cross, there are 5 characteristics of Divine love that we can see:
1. Full knowledge (Jesus knew exactly what He was going to do)
2. Freely chosen (In the agony in the garden He said not my will but yours be done)
3. Self-giving (He gave every drop of blood He had for us)
4. Life-giving (This is what gives us life - eternal life if we accept it)
5. Permanent (He did not hang there for a few hours and then say enough of this! He gave it all forever)
This definition of love is similar to the definition of a car – if a car is missing a wheel, it is no longer a car but a motorized tricycle! If one or two of these above characteristics are missing, then it is no longer love.
Let us then apply these same characteristics of Divine love to married love because married love is to be a living sign or sacrament of the love between Christ and His Church. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her” (Eph. 5: 25). St. Paul is telling us that Christ died for His Spouse (us, the Church) and that we must apply that same Divine love to married love. In our marriages do we love each other with all the five characteristics? Because if one or two are missing, then we are no longer loving, but using each other. Who wants to be used or to use another person? What we all desire deep within our hearts is true love—to give and to receive it. Without love, without God's love, we can never be fully human and fully alive. Who does not want to be fully alive, living and breathing God's love everyday and for all eternity? Is that not for what we were made?
In conclusion, if we want to give love and receive love, then we must first know what love is and receive that love from God. We cannot give what we don't have! Only God can give us the agape, divine love we all desire deep within ourselves - who does not want to live in eternity with Love? Let us begin to love God now, on earth, so one day He will take us to be with Him forever in glory where we will live in Eternal Bliss and communion with Love!
